When you think back to when you were in high school, you probably never thought you would be dating after the age of twenty-something, maybe thirty-something if you wanted to do other things first. You are the generation that grew up between the traditional values of the whole husband, home, family scenario, and the women's empowerment movement.
Back in the eighties, depending on where you were from, you may have felt pressure to be engaged and plan the wedding soon after graduating high school. If you made it to your mid-to late-twenties with no kids or husband, you might have heard an older relative (who has no filter), make snide comments about your relationship status.
Now here you are, grown-up and dating. You might have had lots of dating experiences. Perhaps this may be the aftermath of a divorce, or a long-term relationship that you were sure would last forever, and now you are struggling to get back into the dating scene. It can be hard to date in these situations, even if you have done it a lot. When you are looking for a new match after a long-term relationship, it can be an especially tall order. Whether you are looking for something long-term and permanent, just someone to keep you casual company, or anything in between, there is somebody out there for you.
Ladies, if there is one thing you should know, being a single female over the age of 50 is a powerful thing. Think about it. By this point in your life, you know yourself. Moreover, you know what you like and do not like, want and do not want, what you are and are not willing to put up with.
You, my dear, are a goddess; in the arena of dating, you are in charge of your destination. You do not have to answer to anyone but yourself. Your choices are yours to make because you know what you want and you do not have to worry about the awkwardness, financial pressures, or parental judgment of dating in young adulthood. At this point, you get to pick and choose who has access to you and your life. Get back on dating sites, go to a bar, call up someone you are interested in and invite them to coffee.
Yes, it is possible to have a drama-free relationship. You do not have to be in any situation that disrupts your peace. For example, do not be with someone who sucks up all of your free time, forces you into things you do not want to do, or starts drama just to get a rise out of someone. Setting boundaries may be complex at first, but once you get the hang of it, you will be amazed at how great you feel. Now is the time to be with someone who truly makes you feel cared for and good about yourself.
Whether those red flags appear in a flash or hide behind silver fox hair and mid-life crisis money, you cannot unsee poor behaviors once you notice them. Abort the mission; you do not hold a season pass to that rollercoaster ride anymore. “Putting up” with something is not worth your peace and happiness. It is tempting to let little behaviors like constant texting and needing continuous attention pass due to loneliness. Small annoyances like these can turn into more extensive soul-sucking situations. Learn how to recognize the signs of gaslighting, if you do not already.
Now is the time to be one with yourself. You do not have to let anyone into your inner circle that does not shine the same light as you or carry the same vibe as your inner circle. Breakups, divorces, even serial short-term relationships can take tolls on your self-esteem and personal happiness. This does not have to be the situation. Just because you are 50 or above does not mean you have to sit around or settle. This is the time to be you and find someone who will be their authentic selves with you.
Whether you want them to or not, past relationships often leave scars during their tenure and after they end. Getting divorced, being widowed, or having a difficult breakup can be causes for emotional turmoil. Sometimes, to find that perfect next person for you means dealing with some inner hurt first. There is absolutely no shame in taking time off from the dating game to heal and work through some things before you jump back in. Talk to some friends or find a therapist when you are left with trauma from a past relationship.
Dating again after a long relationship has ended can be difficult. Getting into the dating scene in your fifties does not have to be a bad thing. Though putting yourself out there again can be difficult and affect your self-esteem in both negative and positive ways, and some days and dates will be better than others, everyday life will become more manageable as your boundary-setting skills become second nature. You do not have to put up with anything or anyone that disrupts your peace. You do not have to let anyone into your life that makes you feel less than beautiful. You have earned the freedom to finally live the life you have always wanted with the peace you have always needed. If you have difficulty meeting new people due to past traumas, depression, or anxiety, SokyaHealth is here to offer support and equip you with self-esteem-building skills. Call SokyaHealth at (866) 932-1767.