Want to rescue something? Girl, go get yourself a dog. Just don’t go get yourself another partner who is the eternal victim of life. You know the person. The one that tragedy seems to strike often and it is never their fault. They usually cry a lot and need you 100% of the time. These people suck the very light out of your soul. At first, you feel like a hero; then they and their drama steal your peace.
Getting your peace back is possible. Behaviors and habits will have to change, and that will be the hardest part. Choosing to step away instead of slipping down that rabbit hole takes practice, but it's something you can learn how to do.
Pets can be stressful, but they also can be the best investment that you’ll ever give your heart and time to. Take a dog, for instance. A dog is one of the best friends you’ll ever have. You can talk to them, and they listen intently. Dogs can tell when you’ve had a bad day, and to make you feel better, they’ll snuggle with you and insist that you pet them. They also don't take your closet space. Sure, they may hit on your friends, but only for belly rubs and treats.
Dogs are just as much work as a bad relationship, except a dog will at least make you feel loved, wanted, and appreciated. Dogs, like bad partners, come with bad habits, but the former will gladly accompany you to your therapy session. Just being with you is the bomb dot com in their eyes.
How many times did you try to get your partners to do things with you, but they had other things to do? How many times were couples and/or individual counseling suggested, but your partners disagreed? You begin to wonder what is wrong with you. People start to tell you that you have changed, that you don’t seem to be as happy as you used to be. You begin to examine yourself and your behaviors.
Then it hits you — each bad relationship started because you were trying to rescue your partner from their issues with drugs or alcohol, their mental health, and a plethora of other things. What has been left behind is the aftermath of a messy breakup and sadness.
While a dog, on the other hand, might chew up your favorite shoes, eat your dinner right off the table, or relieve himself on your newly cleaned carpet, shoes can be replaced, sandwiches can be made, carpets can be cleaned, and most dogs can be trained.
When was the last time you sat outside and listened to nothing? No random people yelling in the background with interjections of police sirens. Silence for as long as you can listen, not once to be interrupted with the thump of a passing bass beat.
When was the last time that you traded overarching chaos for untamed quietness? When was the last time that you could tell the differences between bird songs without having to Google the bird? You don’t have to go buy expensive gear and hike the backcountry to be in nature. Find a park, walk around, and sit where the wind calls you. Bring your own chair or blanket. Don't like bugs? You could sit in your car with the engine — and phone — turned off while you watched the birds fly.
The aftermath of a bad relationship can be devastating. If you are a rescuer, you may already be headed toward what could be your next relationship. After all, there is never a shortage of people who have terribly sad stories that will pull on our heartstrings.
Don’t do that to yourself.
The pattern of elation, constant disappointment, anxiety, and depression will play itself out over and over until you change your behaviors and beliefs around relationships. Now is the time to look within yourself and ask yourself important questions: Why do you continue to help people who will barely help themselves? What attracts you to the same kind of person each time?
Now is also the time to empower yourself to work through old hurts and past traumas. While rescuing a pet instead of a partner is a wonderful thing, rescue yourself first. It will not be easy, and you may need some help. Keep in mind that while asking for help is hard, listening to a different perspective about yourself can be even harder. However, it will be worth it.
You deserve happiness. You deserve respect. Most of all, if you want to be in a relationship, you deserve a partner who is emotionally and mentally there for you as much as you are there for them. Changing the way we look at our roles in relationships can be daunting. Changing the way we see ourselves can be scary. Creating healthy relationships with yourself and others is the reward. The choice is yours and the path to emotional recovery is just a step away. Once you find that place within yourself, you will wonder how the old you ever dealt with or allowed certain situations. Once you establish a healthy relationship with yourself, life will seem easier. Your confidence will grow. You will be able to start to find what makes you happy again and live your life. SokyaHealth is here to help and support you; call 866-932-1767.